Every new technology that should finally bring clarity to the pressing issues in cosmology seems to do the exact opposite. At some point, we must stand up and declare, “The Emperor Has No Clothes.” Remove the century-old assumption of a hot, dense center, and simply follow the field equations of the general theory of relativity and the maths of the special theory of relativity, and a far more elegant universe unravels at our feet, easily answering every single tension the current ΛCDM model fails to cohesively explain.